youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
