just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
