Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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