he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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