She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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