I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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