two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
