Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
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