just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I can't turn off my feet"
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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