i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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