It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Randomize
