i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
