dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
