So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
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