I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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