They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
