you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
