You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
