Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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