And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Randomize
