You just made me feel so damn special
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
