I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
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