stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
