Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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