Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
