Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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