I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
