I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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