I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
