she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
