So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
ugly people sure do ruin things
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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