there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
