And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
