Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
