Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'm just crazy horny about you
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
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