My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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