Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
