Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
