I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
