Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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