I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
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