meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
