dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
