i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
