So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
is that a dick in a sweater?
COCAINE IS GR8
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