drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
