Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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