If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
