So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
