things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
