HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
