she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
