I cut my penus on the lid.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Do you remember whose house we're in?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
